"I'll use a bit of magic and gain 'X-Ray Eyes' to look through--
Crap. I gained the eyes inside my right ear. Man, look at all that earwax! I'll use some magic to make a box of Q-Tips!"
What's an action hero, if he doesn't make wisecracks while brutally killing the bad guys? Laugh along at the wit and wisdom of Tod Holton, Super Green Beret, and learn Vietnamese while you're at it!
"Surprise--On YOU! On your HEAD! With my FEET!"
Actual Vietnamese word:
"ULPS!"
Translation:
"Boy, is my cheekbone surprised! And crushed!"
"Slice me up? Try balogna, which is spelled differently than it's pronounced!"
Actual Vietnamese word:
"UUKKKK!"
Translation:
"Our own machine gun? The irony would be richer if you weren't swinging a Monro shock absorber!"
Actual Vietnamese word:
"UKKKK!"
Translation:
"Which one of us Congs is the knocked-cold one? BOTH are necks are broken!"
"How do you like THESE apples? For it's an apple tree! Ah hahhahaha! I'm Tod Holton, and you've been a great audience! Remember to tip your waitstaff!"
Actual Vietnamese word:
"Bonk!"
Translation:
"You really think that I'm focused on the tree, when you've put your boots so far into my genitals that your toes are poking out my rectum?"
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