Wednesday 1
It's February 1. Happy New Month!
Thursday 2
Pour milk into your friend's aquarium and go "Look, that's how they did the clouds in Close Encounters!" Act fascinated and stare at it.
Friday 3
Pots and pans are good for banging.
Saturday 4
If you want to have fun then tell people you're Johnny Carson (even if you're not). See if they give you things or tell you they miss you.
Sunday 5
When you talk to your friends, stare at their foreheads.
Monday 6
George Orwell looks a lot like some actor, can you guess which one?
Tuesday 7
There's nothing wrong with today...yet!
Wednesday 8
Go to your neighbor's house and open everything with a door on it: cabinets, refrigerator, oven, drawers. Then tell him you were raised in a barn - see what he does about it.
Thursday 9
What's the anti-matter with you? You may use that one on your friends today.
Friday 10
A poem, by Space Ghost: I shot a ray into the air where it hit I knew not where because I was in space and you can't hear anything in there. (Space is a vacuum.)
Saturday 11
Ever notice how big Zorak's eyes are? I mean, they're so big!
Sunday 12
The worst thing that anybody ever said about Abe Lincoln was that he was dead. And you know what? They're right. Just goes to show.
Monday 13
I am pleased that the popularity of the Cajun culture is waning. Are you pleased as well?
Tuesday 14 Valentine's Day
A wig is an important social statement and is not to be toyed with. Say that, "wig." Say "wig wig wig wig wig." Is anyone looking at you?
Wednesday 15
Merchandise, merchandise, merchandise.
Thursday 16
Did you know that the distance from Mars to Neptune is as far as if you walked from Cleveland to Cincinatti?!!
Friday 17
Practical joke: Squeeze all the toothpaste out of the tube and replace it with mayonaisse. Now, sit back and watch the fun.
Saturday 18
Go shopping for a wedding dress, try them all and then say you're late for a head-lice appointment.
Sunday 19
Put that hat on and tell everyone you were born in a log cabin. See if you get elected to anything.
Monday 20 President's Day
Go to the dentist and get wooden teeth installed.
Tuesday 21
If your neighbor turns his stereo up too loud, go ask politely that he turn it down. If he doesn't listen, then move.
Wednesday 22
Tell your co-workers that you no longer speak English and if they want to talk to you they must speak in the language you've chosen to speak.
Thursday 23
Force your co-worker to stare up your nose.
Friday 24
During his senior in high school, Zorak was named Class Thesphian. He stole the show with his potrayal of Nurse Ratchet in One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest.
Saturday 25
Slap around a rabid weasel then throw it in the fridge. Invite your buddy over and tell him to help himself to a soda pop. "It's in the fridge" say.
Sunday 26
Learn not to laugh at yourself.
Monday 27
Carry a life preserver with you and tell people you're saving the whales.
Tuesday 28
Ask yourself, "Who am I?" Keep asking yourself until you get the right answer.