Tuesday 2
Pretend you're in jail. Yell at your boss, "Hey, you can bend me but I won't break!"
Wednesday 3
Dingo isn't a very nice name to call anything, even a wild dog who came and snatched your baby right out of your stroller.
Thursday 4
Don't let oddly configured female villians touch you where it feels icky.
Friday 5
Convince others that your superpower is the best and most useful. Practice the words, "Yeah, but can he become invisible?"
Saturday 6
Order a raw pizza for dinner, lots of protein.
Sunday 7
Call three friends and form a band! Play at lots of teenage parties!
Monday 8
You too can make your own power bands. All you need is some fishing wire, a no. 2 pencil, paste, and the life-giving nectar, of the Remas plant from the seventh sector of Nefrar.
Tuesday 9
When riding the bus, scream your head off. No one will sit next to you. It really works! Try it!
Wednesday 10
Believe everything you read. It's all true, or else you wouldn't be reading it, right? Your time is too valuable.
Thursday 11
Eliminate as many foes as possible before lunch. The afternoon should be used for follow-up and reflection.
Friday 12
Use your ThighMaster at the office. Bring one for everybody.
Saturday 13
Useful phrases: This conversation never took place - understand? What do you mean? That was over 10 years ago. She had all that makeup on. You know how it is, she said she was 26.
Sunday 14 Mother's Day
Happy Your Mother's Day! Don't fall for her tricks, she's wily.
Monday 15
Glue raisins all over your house and make a sign that reads "Don't pick the raisins."
Tuesday 16
If Moltar pursed his lips, no one would know.
Wednesday 17
If you visit a medium-sized star like the earth's own sun while you are invisible, do you still feel the heat that emanates from it? Let's go see. Ouch! Man, is that hot.
Thursday 18
Is there something in my eye? It feels like there's something in my eye.
Friday 19
Wear tons of pancake makeup and pretend you're a mannequin. Don't blink all day.
Saturday 20
Today is National Celery Day! Bring on the spreadable cheese!
Sunday 21
The bottoms of the feet of my suits do not become soiled regardless of wear I walk. Write to me and I'll send you a brochure on the miracle product that keeps them so sanitary.
Monday 22
You know what today is, don't you? Don't you remember ? Well, then, you'll just have to find out the hard way!
Tuesday 23
Paint your neighbor's house green and ask him if you can mow his lawn for a thousand dollars.
Wednesday 24
Throw a party for your neighbor and invite everyone you see in the mall.
Thursday 25
Touch not the buttocks of a stranger.
Friday 26
Take it as a compliment when someone says, "I can see right through you."
Saturday 27
Fill your shoes with ice cream on the day of your first parachute jump and tell everyone you have cold feet.
Sunday 28
Today is a good day to drain your neighbor's swimming pool.
Monday 29 Memorial Day
Run to the highest hill and shout upon its mighty peak, "I am rich with wisdom!"
Tuesday 30
Flag down a motorist and ask him if he's happy with "Things."
Wednesday 31
Kids, feel free to dart across the street. What? Oh. After you look both ways.