Sunday 2
If you have to ask if you offended someone, you probably did. Apologizing only confirms it.
Monday 3
Chemicals are not to be messed with.
Tuesday 4
You don't need those clothes or that house, or that job! Take a stand! Down with tyranny!
Wednesday 5
Did you leave the iron on? You can never be too careful. Drop what you're doing and run home like a school kid and check that iron.
Thursday 6
Science time: The locust is like a grasshopper with a schedule; the mantis is like a grasshopper with an agenda. Does that clear things up?
Friday 7
Disguise your lust for revenge with the mask of integrity.
Saturday 8
Negotiation tools: Throw out all your threats at once. Even a skilled combatant will be instantly derailed.
Sunday 9
Do you think I could be trusted with complete and unlimited power? Hmmm. Let's go see...ooops. I guess not.
Monday 10
It doesn't matter if a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable, just as long as it gets rotten and you can throw it at those no good screws when they bust up my keg party.
Tuesday 11
Lie to your plants.
Wednesday 12
Call in sick today just for fun, then go out for drinks and lunch near your office. Count all the people you know.
Thursday 13
Carry suspiciously large amounts of cash.
Friday 14
Reprimand your writers often. Keep their self-image in check.
Saturday 15
Picnics are a little overrated, don't you think? All that wind and don't your legs fall asleep frequently?
Sunday 16
Barbara Bain was a babe. Even by space standards.
Monday 17
If you get a third eye tattooed on your forehead people would be much more reluctant to mess with you. I say, go for it.
Tuesday 18
Walk your dog - to Detroit.
Wednesday 19
I command you to achieve a great deal of success within three months. I will check to see that you have carried out my directive.
Thursday 20
There was an evening in August, 1967 that I was more popular than the Beatles. Do you know who that made me more popular than?
Saturday 22
Just because you're a superhero, it doesn't mean you don't feel pain. Like, when you trim your fingernails down too close, it hurts at least twice as much as it would hurt a mortal.
Sunday 23
Early to bed and early to rise, drive through the drive-thru and get me some fries.
Monday 24
When leaving the household, always check your protective undergarments. This will help reduce the number of embarassing social faux pas during the day.
Tuesday 25
Call that guitar guy from Saturday Night Live and ask "what's so damn funny?"
Wednesday 26
On this date in 1974, the Ghost Planet switched over to metric. Four hours later we switched back.
Thursday 27
Paint your desk yellow and pretend you're driving a school bus. Look over your shoulder at people and yell at them.
Friday 28
Walk or fly in place. Let the background do the work by providing the apparent motion for you.
Saturday 29
Is it possible for me in my invisible state to travel freely in and out of a black hole where even light cannot escape? Let's go see...guys? A little help here, guys?
Sunday 30
Acknowledge your inefficiencies. I would if I had any.
Monday 31
Don't wear strong fragrances when you anticipate going into battle. You might leave an odor trail even when invisible.