INEXPLICABLE OBJECT OF THE WEEK
Week of 1/30/00:
WEEK 94
I was in despair...The InExOb queue had finally reached the emergency back-up Obs.
Then I remembered--
The Record Collection!!
I'd bought a bunch of LPs when a local department store closed out their vinyl section. At first, they were alphabetized under "International," as they mainly came from the foreign section, but when I later added a few American ones, I filed them a few notches to the left under--yes, my first use of the word in this context:
"Inexplicable."
This first LP is a big'un--
None of the pics are individually huge, but it adds up to 3 megs, so there's a link to Page Two of--
VOLKSTÜMLICHE STARPARADE!
C'mon! It'll be worth it!
Just look at the beaming face of Alfons Bauer!
Does it not shout, "Am I not a joyous beacon of Teutonic jollity? Does not my infectious smile open a shining door to well-ordered gaeity? Come with me, mein freund! We shall share a Starparade the likes of which no Volks have ever stümliched! Huzzah!"
Plus he's got that cool shirt, that looks like it was made for Gene Autry when he was in the Wehrmacht.
"Egon is just my fake name here in Germany. I'm really Buddy Holly! No, really! The plane crash was a fake! I thought me and the Big Bopper could start a new life in Deustchland! I later gave the same idea to Jim Morrison and Elvis! Here, I'll prove it: (sings)Pretty pretty pretty pretty Peggy Su--COFF COFF COFF! Damn, the old pipes aren't what they used to be! You know, if I could just whet the old whistle--
AWRIGHT! Another free tequila sunrise! SUCKERS!"
I gotta agree with you, Maria und Margot:
Those are some damn hellish wigs.
"siiigh Ja, it's me, Alfons, and Und Seine Almdudler, or in English, 'Band of Seventies American Duds.' How many can you name? On drums, Gerald Ford! On bass, Fred Travalena! On guitar, Chevy Chase! On clarinet, the teenaged Drew Carey (he was just a skinny kid back then)! On trumpet--Donny "Ralph Malph" Most! On trombone, you know, that guy, the guy who was the station manager on WKRP in Cincinnatti! On cowbells--Cowbells! How drunk was I when decided to put THAT in my band!--on cowbells, you know, the 'Kiss my grits' waitress from 'Alice!' Damn! Some of these losers are so obscure, even I can't remember their names. And, oh yeah, next to me is the hideous hollow-eyed mummy of Richie Valens. Yeah, he did die in that plane crash.
Me? I'm the Big Bopper. (mocking voice)'Let's fake our deaths and move to Germany!' Christ! That's the last bright idea of Buddy's I ever listen to!"
Page Two
Inexplicable Link of the Week
Starsky and Hutch--The FONT!
What they really need is a Volkstümliche Starparade font...
©2000 Bill Young