INEXPLICABLE OBJECT OF THE WEEK

Week of 1/17/99:

Individually Wrapped Slice of American Cheese

Sometimes the Inexplicable is right under your nose...
Because you're shoving it into your mouth.

"Open...Here"?!

Has it come to this? Have Americans become SO FREAKIN STOOPIT that they need
OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS for CHEESE?!
In a few years, they'll have to stamp on the plastic that covers your cheese, stamp on your CHEESE mind you, which isn't exactly all that HIGH TECH to begin with, but your CHEESE's plastic covering will be stamped "Open Here, But Only Eat The Part on the Inside."
This is why there are 6 billion people crowding this planet--The STOOPIT ONES reproduce, when they should be STARVING TO DEATH figuring out which part of the CHEESE they should open.

LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE!! Stamp "EAT ME" on the wrappers, & see how many Stoopits eat the whole thing, gagging into Heimleich Hell, their last desperate thought being:
"Jeepers, it tasted better without the plastic! URRK!!"

...this just in...

St Mimulus writes:

"...you missed something.  I know you're not as
all-powerful as you seem,
but that's why you have folks like me to point these things out
to you.
Week 40, the in-duh-vidually wrapped slice of cheese...
Is that an expiration date?  July 12, 1999 at 9:36 AND TWO
SECONDS at night?
Yyyyeah."

"SPIT THAT OUT! It's 9:35 and 43 seconds! You'll never digest it in time!"
"I live on the EDGE, baby! Hand me ANOTHER SLICE!"

©1999 Bill Young